Sense from the sensless?

The other day, Monday, classes resumed at Northern Illinois University, two weeks after what at first seemed to me to be a second St. Valentine's Day massacre.

Although the students have returned to class, things have hardly returned to normal. They never do when things like this happen. Those most closely involved in incidents like this are deeply affected for life.

Much has leaked out about the perpetrator in the days since the Dekalb, Illinois bloodbath. Still, more questions than answers remain.

A good understanding of mental illness is quite elusive. If a person is the sum of their experiences, are problems like this more psychological, psychiatric, or an even combination of the two? If one has a psychiatric problem, a genuine medical issue that affects the brain and thus the mind, the effects the illness has on the person - how the person experiences the symptoms - is going to have some impact on their personality, just like any other ordeal in life. If the problem is identified and dealt with immediately, that impact will be minimal. If it is not treated, then the true illness will ultimately have a serious bearing on the makeup of that person. Think about it: imagine that you have been hallucinating or hearing voices for several years. The perception taking place is real because the electrical and chemical changes that inputs from one's eyes and ears would cause in the brain are actually happening. It's just that something other than the eyes and ears are causing these changes. One could liken it to electromagnetic interference in a television signal. You're watching a Cathode Ray Tube, either a regular television, a security camera monitor, or otherwise. You're starting to see symptoms of Radio Frequency Interference because something electrical or magnetic in nature is affecting the signal. Is the 'snow' real? Yes, it is. You are in fact seeing it on the screen in front of you. Is it what the camera is recording and passing along? No, not at all. The interference is affecting the signal after the camera but before it reaches the screen you're watching. Still, 'snow' is what you're seeing and it is definitely affecting what you are seeing. It is also a good part of what you will remember about the show or whatever it was you were trying to watch. The interference may have kept you from catching an important part of what was being transmitted or broadcast!

From all that I have read and heard about this case, I suspect that this young man was on the losing end of an internal struggle between two different sides of his personality. There was a 'good' side, that involved academic accomplishments, pursuing a career, and being what the world would recognize as a 'good guy'. Then, there was a 'bad' side that was very dark and evil. The downward spiral he'd been going through was probably a symptom of that, as was the tattoos he'd been getting on his forearms lately. I imagine these were not pictures of flowers, smiley faces, and hearts. Skulls, flames, blades, and other pernicious and macabre images are much more likely. In my life's experiences, it would seem that when someone makes more or less permenant modifications to their body, especially if there is considerable time, trouble, and discomfort involved, it is as accurate a portrait of that person's values as anything. Most 'normal' people who I know that get tattoos have thought long and hard about what they want and why they want it. Most often, it really is something that is a key part of their identity. When I see troubled people getting them, something else is at play. A lot of body art I see brands that person as desperate to follow what they think the 'in' crowd currently advocates. Most everyone I know who has a 'popular' tattoo also has an extensive history of making poor choices in life.

In this troubled young man's life, those tattoos are almost certainly the dark side lashing out. The part of the man who is angry and wanting to strike out against the world. The selfish side that does not want to see any compromise made for the benefit of anyone else, which is just part of getting along in society. Not unlike yielding the right of way, and sometimes forfeiting it all together, just so everyone gets where they're going safely instead of being trapped in smashed piles of smoldering wreckage along the side of the road. Not unlike two strangers in an awkward situation where one says, 'I'm sorry; didn't mean to do that', and the other responds with, 'That's all right', and both go their seperate ways instead of instigating a fistfight and ending up in jail as a result.

A spokeswoman for NIU explained publicly that no one could understand why he returned to the lecture hall where he started his ascent to academic accomplishment to commit his heinous crime. I see the symbolism there. That auditorium was a major turning point in his life, where good things started to happen to this man. It was his start down the path of the straight and narrow. This would not be good for his evil persona, as this turning away from deviance would have been a major setback. The killing was definitely antisocial. Social behavior involves getting along with people at the least, but really means giving people the benefit of the doubt and making an effort to do good for one's fellow human. Antisocial behavior is disrupting interpersonal relationships, one's own, or others'. There is no small number of women today who strongly prefer to become involved with married or otherwise committed men because they thoroughly enjoy destroying the existing marriage or relationship before moving on to cause more damage elsewhere.

Would you belive that the United States Secret Service estimates that at any given point in time, there are AT LEAST six hundred people in the US who honestly believe that they are under orders from God to kill the president? They literally are convinced that the Lord came to them in a vision and informed them that their mission in life is to assassinate the president. The number of ways this is further reasoned or justified is as astonishing as these beliefs are twisted. The idea that the president we all see is some type of imposter and that the 'real' one has been abducted by aliens and is being held somewhere seems to be a perennial favorite. It's not just the president, though. These same delusions seem to focus on almost all types of famous people, especially the various Hollywood celebrities. I'd like to think that writers are somewhat less likely to be plauged by this. Yes, sometimes those delusions some of us experience are seemingly quite real and usually quite powerful and influencial. People who have them will often devote their entire lives to pursuing them.

With the NIU shooting, it would seem that this young man's dark side won out. It carefully, systematically struck back at what sought to suppress or destroy it, starting with the institution and the people within, and ending with the body of the man who possessed it, or was possessed by it.

I have long thought that perhaps part of what causes some of these delusions is cable television with movie channels that operate at all hours. It's bad enough that one can now live a life immersed by darkness and evil simply by choosing only that type of entertainment to surround oneself with, but have you ever fallen asleep or awaken to the television or radio? I do all the time. I don't watch television, but the radio is on when I go to sleep and it is usually on when I wake up. Unless I forget to set the timer, it's off throughout the night. Getting a 'slow start' via soft radio suits me much better than being blasted by a piercing alarm. I've had many extraordinarily vivid dreams when I was falling asleep or waking up, that were nothing more than visualizations of what I was hearing on the radio. Never anything bad, actually, generally quite interesting and often really fun to contemplate later. Now, let's consider what happens if one falls asleep, sleeps through, or wakes up to a movie such as one of the Aliens films. The underlying theme conveyed is eliminating somthing bad: the aliens. How does the last movie of the series end? When the protagonist commits suicide by leaping into a giant vat of molten metal in a foundry to kill herself and the last fledgling alien within who is about to hatch out. She realizes that the alien will kill her when it hatches out, anyway, so by leaping into the molten metal, she'll take the alien with her and both of them will consequently be eliminated.

The evil side of Steve Kazmierczak's mind, whether it was for real or merely contrived by an overly active imagination or a product of a genuine psychiatric issue, had been battling the good, normal, and decent side of his mind for a long time. It had almost been eliminated several times before, betrayed by Mr. Kazmierczak himself. There was only one sure way to ensure that the evil side prevailed once and for all. As soon as the evil side was allowed to emerge and the harm inflicted on the institution, the corporal host of that evil side must be destroyed so it cannot betray again.

And then Steve Kazmierczak turned the gun in his hand on himself.

Sometimes, perhaps it is better that some things are not fully understood. Ignorance is bliss, so it is said...

The TiGor